Where has the time gone for me?

I search through the quiet moments of my days,

Grasping for some trace —

Of myself, a shadow, anything to remind me

That what I had was real.

There was a time when I played my life

Perfectly

I thought I did everything right –

No one told me what I was doing was wrong.

No one told me to not do this –

Not do that.

I guarded my actions so even I couldn’t tell whether I was behaving badly

My life seemed perfect-

Losing myself completely in the poisons I hid from others so perfectly,

I knew I was messing up

that I existed in my own world—

A world where only I mattered.

For a while, that world held me

I was suspended in its embrace, untouchable, eternal.

But the hope I once had of tomorrow was fading away

Creeping closer with each dawn

the slow unraveling of everything

I believed my agony would last

Torn in the truth dying before me

The torment is creeping sadness in the veins tearing at my soul

Until even the love I had for myself was turning cold

I was lost in a place no one knew or dared to go

The dreams I once had were unraveling before me

It cursed my days until the realization came -I had to let this go

I couldn’t stop the cycle-endless control over me-

Adding to my misery

This dark place had its grip on me -Begging for it to release me

Where do I go, what is Gods plan for me

Am I willing to be strong-and deal with the pain head on

No more tomorrows if i didn’t start

Crying myself to sleep

This torture was my path or die eternal for eternity.

I once lived for love

But in the untouched corners of our mind

I lost in a madness I could no longer escape

The Future I would Have would be torn into pieces

A decision I needed to make.

I looked for a way out- or a hand to hold but no one knew of the hidden stories my life told

I am scared to the core of not knowing which way to go- if I don’t at least try something

My ending won’t be told.

I have walked my life so far alone- no one has wanted to be there to comfort me-

What honest answer to myself

If my life would end.

I wouldn’t have to mourn the person I once had known

Goodbye tomorrow Goodbye today.

Ive lost the words to say how sorry I am it played out this way

I understood that to go there I would lose at my chance for life

I knew I didn’t belong like other had.

The world touched My heart with hatred and grief

Losing fond memories of you growing up

Lost me completely.

Why did the world turn its back on me-